he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
