highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
