At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
