While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
