Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
