i just had sex bonerless
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
