I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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