Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
