i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
