MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
