the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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