I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
50% drunk capacity currently
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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