If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
