I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
