Please, let me fuck your mom
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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