did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
