i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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