He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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