haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Less talking, more tequila
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I supernannyed him into submission
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
