I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
