whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
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