I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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