i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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