I wish my penis had an off switch
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
