I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I need water and some morals
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
