The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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