she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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