I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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