chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
