I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I think I am morally bankrupt
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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