it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
