Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My liver is preforming stress tests.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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