he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
