Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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