if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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