East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
home. puking in laundry basket.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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