Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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