Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
