I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Did we literally take a cab across the street
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
