When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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