I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
