Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
my liver is dry heaving
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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