I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
