btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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