If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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