They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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