Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
