worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
