They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
