Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
