Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
