He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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