im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
