Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
