Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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