twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
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