you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
