Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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