Rock
Scissors
Fuck
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize