Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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