That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
