meet me or not, i'm out of control
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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