The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
