My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
