His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
