DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize