Bisexual people are plain selfish.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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